Cognitive defusion is a key component of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) that helps us gain perspective and healthy distance from our thoughts and feelings. Cognitive defusion helps us move from narrowly focused attention to the broad, expansive perspective of objective awareness.

Making changes in patterns and habits that are no longer serving us is key to creating wellbeing. But the gap between what we know we need to do, and actually doing, can feel pretty big, sometimes impossibly big. That’s why learning and implementing behavior change strategies are key in successfully making a change.

In her research conducted at Columbia University, Dr. Lisa Miller showed that we are hardwired to have an “awakened brain.” This research found the neuroanatomical correlates of religiosity and spirituality using anatomical MRIs of the brain. Based on these results, Dr. Miller contends that the search for a spiritual connection inherent to the human brain, though we live in a society that is becoming more and more disconnected with spirituality and religion. Not only are we hardwired for spirituality, but engagement with spirituality can protect against depression and substance abuse, thicken the cortex, and create a more connected, synchronous brain.

Attention shapes the way we experience the world, though we typically spend very little time noticing how we pay attention. Research led by Dr. Les Fehmi from the Princeton Center for Biofeedback found that attention influences nervous system regulation, creativity, and connectedness. Unfortunately, in our fast-paced, stimuli-dense culture, we have trained ourselves to primarily operate in a narrow-focus way, which is associated with sympathetic nervous system activation (fight/flight), separateness, and stress. Fehmi and his team found that we can pay attention is a less “costly” way that promotes parasympathetic nervous system activation (rest and digest), connectedness, and creativity.

We are all capable of acting self-compassionately, but self-compassion isn’t second nature for many of us. We jump to comfort loved ones experiencing struggle or disappointment, but then turn around and criticize ourselves. The experience of learning self-compassion is similar to the experience of learning a new language or working out. Consistency and patience is key. Each attempt moves you in the direction of forming new neural pathways. This blog contains some tips and exercises for practicing self-compassion.

We tell stories in our minds all day long. This storytelling is so automatic, we often don’t even realize it’s happening. It’s as involuntary as breathing. All of this thinking is fine as long as we are aware our thoughts are not reality, but that’s where we get into trouble. We so often believe our mental stories without question. When we believe our stories, we are rejecting reality. And when we reject reality, we create suffering. So, how do we untangle our stories about reality from reality itself? By questioning our thoughts.

You can do whatever you want to do, and you don’t have to do whatever you don’t want to do. If this statement seems radical to you, then you are probably in a pattern of denying control and/or responsibility over your actions. You aren’t alone; many of us are taught to deny what we want, to people please, and to ignore our needs. That is how systems of injustice and violence perpetuate, by separating ourselves from our inner voice and disempowering choice. The opposite of this separation is integrity, and a primary way we move into integrity is through the practice of setting boundaries.

Change is essential to personal growth. But we get stuck between knowing the change we must make and taking steps to make the change. This paralyzing limbo is usually fueled by the fear of failure. If we want to get real with actually changing, we must rethink how we see failure and progress.

We are a collection of parts, often opposing parts. Our seemingly opposing parts might sound something like: A part of me wants to cut them out of my life, and a part of me wants to work on the relationship. Or, a part of me wants to stop binge eating, and a part of me loves the escape of a binge. How can this be? How can two opposite desires both be true at the same time? This can be answered from a neuroanatomical and psychological perspective, which can help us learn how to relate to and resolve internal conflicts and incongruencies.

Listening to your body is an essential process when seeking to align with your true self and the life you want to live. Follow these three steps to begin improving how you relate to your emotional and sensory experience.

Untangling guilt, shame, and people pleasing can help you become more in alignment with your values and help you achieve greater psychological ease.